ENERGY

I had a bit of a realization today while doing the dishes. Even though my day had been relatively busy and involved a fair amount of physical labor, I still found the energy/time/motivation to do some cleaning I didn’t exactly want to do. In and of itself this isn’t much to talk about, but lately I have been a little more conscious of how I expend my energy both mentally and physically. Some activities seem to drain it away while others, though consuming it, also serve to deepen the total reserve that is available at any given time. Still haven’t figured out which is which all the time but I’m working on it. This is all kind of important to me because I know how low my energy has been for much of the last year. It’s part of the reason I quit my job and still am not back to full time work, why I only recently did the paperwork to get some insurance money from my fall last June, why I’ve been crappy at corresponding with friends, and a host of other things I’ve haven’t done but correct behavior norms dictate I should have done.

Should, a very interesting word. The list of things most people should do is miles long. But I simply was in no place to do many of those things and still am not in place to do many more. Energy/drive/motivation/whatever it is that powers us along, the healthy and powerful form of it isn’t often instantaneous. It needs to be nurtured and cultured. When building a fire, you have to start with dry grass and twigs, move up to branches, and then logs. A healthy garden can take years to achieve. Soil fertility and texture need to be built up, weeds need to be cultivated. Human beings are a complex life form. And life builds itself through patience and persistent nurturing, not by adding a list of ingredients and instantly being done. And yet in dealing with people the idea of DO THIS and DO THAT seem to be most popular on a day to day basis.

Unfortunately I do this with myself quite often. But I’m also trying to make time to clear my mind. So I can ask:

Where am I now?
What am I capable of now?
Where am I going?

I’ve never had the energy to make this a regular blog and probably never will. But I know I have a couple of readers who do check in, so I thought I would let you know how I’m doing.

When the Dam Breaks

The gods of spring have been irrevocably loosed for another season. Several days of constant assault by warm sunny days had been creating pools of water out of what was ski-worthy snow up until yesterday. The empire of winter had been showing signs of decay for some time as the small pools have been building for days. But today’s extra strong heat caused the pools to overflow their barriers and congregate in larger pools. These seemed to hold for a time as winter spent its last reserves maintaining an icy grip. But then as the sun set this evening, it was as if the final warmth of the day finally pushed things over the edge and every pool seemed to be unleashed at once. Our creek went from not running to well past bank full in less than half an hour. Water was running wild across pastures and fields.

There will still be frost, there will still be cold, there may even be more snow, but spring is on the way and cannot be stopped.

March

March is really a messy disgusting month. The melting snow reveals many things. Everything that was buried by the winter snows reemerges in a new form. When it was originally covered it had texture and maybe some color. Its new form is something soggy and gray-brown. Snow which previously acted as a clean white blanket now appears as a molted uneven surface on which rotting debris is stored. Birds and rabbits that didn’t make it through the winter make one last appearance. And every last turd dropped by cows, cats, dogs, rabbits, deer, chickens, sparrows and who knows what else over the previous months shows up quite well on the melting snow. The seasonal weather patterns tend to bring in more snow during March so the pattern of cover and reemergence of garbage can often be repeated a few times over. The sun’s rays are also strong enough whereby the top part of the ground is thawed so lots of mud can be made. But deeper down it remains frozen, thus keeping the water and accompanying mud on the surface. And when a cold snap hits, instant ice everywhere. March seems like a very confused month, trying to move forward but still stuck in the past.

For some March pictures, go here.

Pessimistic or Realistic

Here's a story for you to read.