Shades of Grey

Some things you feel like you just know. The light of truth shines so brilliantly that you can’t help but understand. Good or bad I confess that I feel a certain pleasure when seeing things like this. The vantage point provided by a heightened sense of awareness gives me the ability to see my past in a positive light, no matter how painful an incident may have been. To believe I have a deep understanding of myself and the nature of the world around me provides a sense of peace.

As of late however, the world seems to have conspired to shroud me in a fog. Or maybe I’ve just moved into deeper waters and there’s an adjustment period before I can see things clearly. Either way it’s not exactly a fun situation. My senses feel deadened. Instead of a journey life seems like a series of choices with no good outcomes. Too often I feel like chasing, too much I want to control. Not giving myself the room to be centered. Everything seems to require massive amounts of energy.

To use an analogy, when I feel calm and at peace my actions tend to naturally flow. Imagine a freshly tapped artesian well, nothing needed to get the water, it just flows. But in the Grey Zone things need to be forced, pumped as it were. This would be a small perched aquifer without much capacity. Expend yourself to get some result that isn’t all that great and then wait while you recharge.

Right or wrong, black or white
Cross the line you’re gonna pay,
In the dawn before the light,
Live or die by shades of gray
~Robert Earl Keen

On the positive side, the weather has been clearing as of late and maybe if I just open my eyes I’ll see there aren’t any clouds.